Interracial Family Organization

I am MOM

// August 15th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Social Injustice

My son has been teasing me since he was little to get his ears pierced and though I really don’t want to see him in pierced ears I allowed him to use his own money and pierce them. Mostly because his Bio-dad and his Dad have them and also his sister was allowed to get her ears pierced so, after a little persuasion he talked me into it.

So, we head to Walmart and he picks out some dark silver type small ball earrings. I tell the woman at the jewelry counter that I would like to pierce his ears and she immediately tells me, “Well he must have a legal guardian present!” I tell her I am his mother. and she just looks at me and says, “Are you his legal guardian?” Again I say, “Yes, I am his mother!”

She’s pretty snippy with me and she reluctantly put the things together to pierce his ears. While marking his ears I looked to see if the dots were even and she tells me, “MOVE!” I was so ready to tell her something but I didn’t want  her to be upset with me while piercing my child.

She took my license and several more times she called me “legal guardian.” She even told my son, “Let’s have your legal guardian stand in front of you while we pierce your ears.”

As soon as she gets those holes in my sons ears I said, “Look I am HIS MOTHER not just a legal guardian, I hear you keep calling me guardian but I gave birth to this boy; I am his biological MOTHER!!”

She just looks at me.

I tell her, “I know he is dark for a biracial child but I am his biological mother and I would appreciate if you stop calling me his guardian.” She tells me, “That’s not why I said that.” YEAH, OKAY!!

I was really upset that because our skin color is so different she kept repeatedly
stripping me of my title as mother!! I AM MOM!

What would you have done?

Deliberately Choosing to Segregate Children

// May 18th, 2010 // 6 Comments » // Blended Living

A little while back I was hanging out on twitter when another mom with a biracial child tweeted she was thinking of relocating and asked for suggestions of places to move her family. I suggested Portland, OR since a few years ago I visited, loved it, and thought about moving there myself.

This mom sent a follow up tweet asking how “white” is Portland, OR because she wanted her kids to be surrounded by “black” people everywhere. At this point I should mention this mom is white. I think she expected me to agree that half black children should be surrounded by the black community. Well, I certainly didn’t agree. Our follow-up tweets over this issue snow balled into a uncomfortable place racially for both of us. As a result we no longer tweet, blog visit, or even side eye each other.

Oddly, I understood the intention behind her question. This mom wanted her sons, who have a black heritage, to be more exposed to the African American community since currently they live in a predominately white area. I got it, I really did. But her question still left a bad taste in my mouth and heart.

To think of intentional limiting a child’s exposure to one or two racial communities is a bit upsetting. It’s sorta like someone deliberately choosing a form of segregation. As a mom also of a biracial child, I can’t see moving to Korea or any Asian country just because he “appears” more Asian than black. While I hangout within the Asian community, I don’t share the desire to limit my son’s exposure to only Asians or what he “looks” like.

I see my son as part of the larger mixed race/biracial community and try to expose him to all those experiences. But maybe I’m wearing rose colored glasses. Maybe sometimes children need to “see” people who look like them? What do you think about deliberate segregation? Can it ever been beneficial?

The Census is Coming!

// March 15th, 2010 // No Comments » // Blended Living

The year 2000 was the first time that multiracial people were allowed to choose more than one box to mark as their race on the census forms. This month the census will begin again.  Soon we will see if changes have been made in America when it comes to how many people are more than one race and how they personally identify themselves racially.

The newspaper, USA Today, came out with an in depth article covering the census, the increase of biracial/multiracial Americans and the rise of interracial marriage :  Multiracial no longer boxed in by the Census   Sadly, the comments below the article about “mutts” and “Heinz 57 humans” remind us we have not come up with a vaccination for ignorance.

However, the voices of multiracial people are being heard more often now. They are not a few isolated individuals. They are saying that they will identify themselves exactly as who they are. They no longer need to follow the rules that others have imposed on them. They are becoming the rule makers.

Please take the time to fill out the 2010 census. When it comes to identifying the race(s) of the individuals in your home, say exactly all that apply. Let’s get an accurate picture of America.

If we, as the human race, want to ever start down a path where intolerance, prejudice, racism, bigotry, judgment, and hypocrisy are grounds for sitting in the penalty box of life, we first have to understand that “different” is what we are suppose to be and that no one is pure anything, except purely full of poo.

The composition of America is ever-changing. Now, it is up to us to make America recognize those changes.

Census 2010: Fill it in. Send it back!

Maybe We Need a Secret Signal

// January 24th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Love and Happiness

In the past few months I have learned that You Tube is a hot bed for conversations, I mean rants, about people’s opinions about Interracial Relationships and biracial children. Who knew? I don’t think I realized how many people wanted to get their views out there or were even thinking about it. You Tube gives people the opportunity to put it out there, but not have a real conversation about what they are saying. It feels weird to know so many people sit around and talk about the different shades of color my family members are and how my family is either going to save the human race from ourselves, or tear down our society. It really hasn’t been THAT deep for us, and we are who they are talking about.

I find myself getting hammered in online conversations about what I don’t know about raising my children or about my relationships. Someone is always trying to school me. I don’t know and cannot teach my children anything about racism. They explain how I have created humans that will be confused about their identity forever. They explain to me that my husband has turned his back on his race, is a “Sell out”. And then the constant stereotypes of- He must beat and/or cheat on me. I hate my own race. I cannot attract a white man, so I date black. Our families disowned us. He is either is a ‘wanna be white’, or I am a ‘wanna be black’. We live in the inner city “ghetto”. Our relationship is dysfunctional. We are poor. We are uneducated.

That is funny. These people who know so much and feel it is there job to school me do not have as much experience in this as i do. I have been dating outside my race for over 25 years, since I was 15 years old. (Oh, lawd, that makes me sound old) I have 7 biracial children and have lived in the deep south so several years. I know a lot about being in an interracial relationship, I know a lot about raising biracial children, I know a lot of other IR couples and children. I will not learn something new from you. But, if you listen, you may learn something from me.

On to the hand signal part…

For the last 25 years I have belonged to a secret club that is for interracial couples, especially black men/white women. When ever I am out in public with my husband or family, and we see another couple or family that looks like us, there is an immediate acknowledgement that we see each other. A nod, a smile, a wave. When I found out a co-worker had a biracial child or was in an IR marriage, we instantly bonded. I have made friends with complete strangers walking past them on the street. I have made wonderful friendship online. My husband and I often comment, after going somewhere, how many other IR couples were there.

We want to see families that look like ours. We want to talk with people that share our experiences. Personally, all the negative stares and ugly comments are cancelled out by the community we have joined and the friends we have made.

I live in a large city that does have diversity. I understand many people do not. But, the Internet is now the new place to meet and talk to people you may not be able to find in your neighborhood. This is the reason behind the Interracial Family Organization. We do not always need to talk about race relations, but we have an opportunity to talk and listen to people that mirror our lives. People who do not buy into the stereotypes or judge people by what they see.

When we see another IR couple, maybe we should have a secret handshake or hand signal. Maybe we should stop and let them know how beautiful their family is. Maybe they do not feel they have a community of their own. Send a nice message on their Facebook/MySpace/You Tube/blog page, and let them know they belong to the club. Invite them here to the IFO website.

This club really has millions of members. There are no dues. But, we should have the rule that we each have a responsibility to reach out to others and share the love.