Archive for Blended Living

The Thomas Family

// September 1st, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Blended Living

Interview with Dawn Thomas

1. Where do you live? We live in Central Pennsylvania

2. What is the make-up of your interracial family? My husband is ½ African American and ½ Caucasian. I am Caucasian.

3. What is it that you most enjoy about being a part of an interracial family? I enjoy being able to learn about African American heritage from my husband’s side of the family and be able to teach my children that love is color blind.

4. What is your biggest challenge in being part of an interracial family? When people make comments towards my children and my husband, specifically about their hair.

5. What advice would you give others considering an interracial relationship? Do not worry about what your family, friends, or others will think. It is what you feel and not about others.

6. If you have children, do they identify as one race, both or something else? Was this something that you helped them with or did they come to this conclusion on their own? My children are still young, so I am not sure they know what race they are right now. When we ask my six year old daughter what she is, she will say she is black and white.

7. Do you look at racism differently now that you are part of an interracial family? Yes, I look at racism differently. I feel bad for people I see in the news, in magazines, and on television. I feel for the people.

8. What pieces, if any, have you adopted from your spouse/significant other’s culture? Nothing. My husband is not familiar with his African American heritage. His mother moved him away from his father, who is black, when he was 5 years old.

9. Do you think being in an interracial relationship is more difficult than being in a same race relationship? Yes. People think you are in a relationship like this to be different or to spite your parents. I have also had African American women yell at me for dating black men.

10. What else would you like us to know about your family? We are not a “type” of family. We are a loving family of five. I love my husband and he loves me. We have hard times, we argue, but at the end of the day, we are a family. My children love each other and see no color. They know their daddy is darker than their mommy, but that is “normal” to them. They have family members who are different “shades” and it is alright with them.

Prejudice and You

// August 21st, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Blended Living

From Wikipedia-
A prejudice is a preconceived belief, opinion or judgment especially toward a group of people characterized by their race, social class, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age or religion. Also, it means a priori beliefs (without knowledge of the facts) and includes “any unreasonable attitude that is unusually resistant to rational influence.”[1] Although positive and negative prejudice both exist, when used negatively, “prejudice” implies fear and antipathy toward such a group.

For several years now, I have been getting into conversations more and more about how people respond to prejudice behavior. As a mother with an interracial family, I have talked with other parents with similar families across this country about their experiences and their attitudes. With the topics of race and gay marriage again and again being in the headlines for quite some time now, everyone is joining in.

I think that several things effect your view about how to deal with people who say ignorant, ugly things about groups of people. As individuals we are certainly shaped by the attitudes of our family and community. Negative situations fuel fear, anger and impatience. But a person’s basic attitude in life changes their perception of what other’s people’s intentions are, how to respond, and how effective you are at making an impact on the person who said or did something prejudice.

I have often told my own personal journey from being defensive and suspicious to being objective and optimistic. It greatly changed my experiences. When I assumed the staring at my family was from non-acceptance, I was angry and closed off. As soon as I dropped my own attitude and smiled and spoke to the people staring, the response back was people wanting to connect to me by complimenting my children or making small talk. I made wonderful friends and wasn’t burdened by the anger. The prejudice people are there. They will always be there. I just stopped worrying about them. They fell off my radar.

But we have all been in situations where someone has said something that you believe is prejudice. The older I get, the more I think about what is the most appropriate and effective way to handle that. The natural response is never effective. Pulling out your soap box, lecturing, calling someone out of their name, or shaming them will not get them to suddenly see that your point of view as valid. Their defensiveness will just make them dig in deeper, even if they were not all that committed to the belief in the first place.

Most people agree that no response is condoning it. Laughing at the inappropriate joke or walking away to allow the remaining people to escalate the conversation is saying that you are OK with the behavior. This ends up where you are upset and fuming and they are at the water cooler giggling over the nonsense being said. You are selling out so you can go back to your quiet, non confrontational life.

I call my response passive-aggressive. My husband calls it manipulative. But he says that with love. I join in the conversation, and then I find something to say that stops someone in their tracks. Example- One day at work a group of nurses were talking about some children. One of them that I didn’t know, started down the road of how all biracial children …(you fill in the negative stereotype). My co workers obviously were uncomfortable because I was standing there. I whipped out the latest picture of my adorable kids and slid it across the table for a friend, and the person I didn’t know, to see. “Proud mommy moment! Aren’t they perfect!” I exclaimed. The stranger forced a grin, walked away and never was never heard from again.

I am aware they many times a person who is making a prejudice statement has no clue it is prejudice. They may be shocked when someone points it out to them. They may appreciate that someone helped them to see how other people hear what they say. I never assume that I will change everyone opinions. But, I do make it clear that everybody around them may not share their beliefs. I don’t fight ignorance and pathetic-ness. I expose it. I use a rational approach that lets the other person know that I may not be the person they want to get into this conversation with. I find a flaw in their silly logic. If possible I find a way to get the person saying the statements to think about what someone in that group would feel if they heard it. They are more likely to replay it in their head and learn something new. If I cannot find a way to nicely stop the behavior, I would clearly state that I will not tolerate the behavior. I have never been in a position to have to do that.

Are you confrontational or do you pretend you didn’t catch what they said?

Have you ever changed some one’s point of view or got an apology?

Do you assume that every time race is mentioned in a conversation that someone must be saying something racist?

Do you call out everyone, every time for a prejudice statement, or do you consider the source first?

Even if you don’t agree with a subject(IE Gay marriage), do you take people to task when they say something prejudice against that group of people?

Are you part of the solution, part of the problem, or blissfully ignorant?

The older I get, the more disappointed I am

// August 14th, 2010 // No Comments » // Blended Living

Youth always comes with innocence and being naive. That was certainly me as a teenager and young adult. I assumed that the majority of grown ups were good people who were compassionate and saw other humans as people to connect with and learn from. I thought there was just a small percentage on the fringe who were suspicious and fearful of people who didn’t look like, act like, or pray just like them.

I was naive enough  to assume that a religious person was synonymous with a spiritual person. Spiritual people have a purpose in life that connects to the world around them, gives them a road map to guide their life down a positive path,  and brings out the best in themselves.

Every year that goes by and every experience I have has slowly changed the way I look at people as a whole. I learned what mob mentality is. I learned that fear rules most people. I learned that humans have a great flaw that has them always yearning to be better or more important than someone else. More people than I ever imagined cannot separate a group of people from the characteristic of one of it’s members. People believe they are experts in subjects that they literally know nothing about. People defend their fear by projecting the fault to others instead of recognizing their own issues.

As the world is changing and now the world wide news is on 24/7, and any individual (including myself) can talk to the world on the internet, we can see into more homes and into more hearts. I shouldn’t be surprise, but I am. Too many people live their life with negitivity, self centered-ness (hope that’s a word), and with a sense of entitlement.

How do we change our culture? Or can we? 

I listen to the ugly rhetoric about equal marriage rights. I watch the irrational fear over a different religion coming to a neighborhood. I see individuals fighting to not be harassed because of their race. I hear people accusing others of having shallow reasons behind their vote for leaders. I have seen people ignore people who are in need because they don’t want to get their hands dirty or their hearts broken.

I am disappointed. I had higher expectations of grown people. There is too much ugliness.

Interracial Community on the Internet

// July 24th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Blended Living

More and more I am finding great websites, organizations, events, books, movies, groups, products and individual people involved with the multicultural community on the Internet. That is a huge change from just a short time ago when the ONLY thing that would pop up in a Google search was porn.

The IFO tries to add all these resources to our list on this site when we find them. There are so many that we know our readers and members would enjoy and get so much out of them. We completely want to be a supportive member of this community and create as many positive connections around the world.

Here are a couple of sites that are deserving of support and recognition. 

Mixed Chicks- A Curly Revolution-

This company/revolution was started by beautiful multicultural women, Wendi Levy and Kim Etheredge  who decided to be the change they wanted to see. They have created wonderful hair products for persons with multiethnic hair! Many moms thank you!

Mixis-

Mixis Collectible Play Dolls encourages children too be proud of their unique heritage and to learn about their neighbors and friends. These beautiful dolls reflect the diverse beauty in the real world. Mixis also promotes positivity through encouragement, sharing information, and celebrating multicultural people from the past and present through their Facebook page- Mixis Living. Add them as a friend!

Mixed Chicks Chat

Another positve voice in the multicultural community! Mixed Chicks Chat is the only live weekly show about being racially and culturally mixed. Join your hosts Fanshen Cox and Heidi Durrow  LIVE each Wednesday at 5pm Eastern/2pm Pacific to discuss all aspects of the Mixed experience.

Don’t miss this great weekly podcast on www.talkshoe.com. (Keywords: Mixed Chicks)
Subscribe on www.itunes.com FREE and listen whenever you want.

For more great websites and blogs, please check out our Resource page in the information Center of the Interracial Family Organization’s website.

Please let us know if yoou come across something you would like to promote, share, or show some love!

You are invited to a Twitter Party!

// June 10th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Blended Living

On June 12, 1967 the Supreme Court ruled in favor of Mildred and Richard Loving when they filed suit against Virginia in their fight for the right to marry interracially. Until that year, it was illegal in many states for interracial couples to wed – a crime that would land them in jail. In honor of that ruling, the anniversary of which is now called Loving Day the Interracial Family Organization is sponsoring a Twitter party to meet up with old friends and make new ones – to come together and celebrate diversity and acknowledge this life-changing day in our history. Please come join us and share your thoughts.

What’s a Twitter Party? Check it out- http://www.twitterpartyguide.com/what-is-a-twitter-party

Our party will go from 8-9pm and will use the hashtag #IFOLovingDay.

Kat, Jenn, Lorrie, and Laura are excited to chat with everyone and celebrate Loving Day with the Interracial Family community! Will YOU be attending? Be sure to RSVP by leaving your name and link to your Twitter profile below!

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Loving Day! Saturday, June 12th

// June 5th, 2010 // No Comments » // Blended Living

From Wikipedia

Loving Day is an annual celebration held on June 12, the anniversary of the 1967 United States Supreme Court decision Loving vs. Virginia which struck down all anti-miscegenation laws remaining in 16 states citing “There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause.”] In the United States, anti-miscegenation laws were state laws banning interracial marriage, mainly forbidding marriage between non-whites and whites. Loving Day is not an officially, government-recognized holiday, but is celebrated by a growing number of people throughout the United States, especially by those involved in interracial relationships.

The “Loving” side of the U.S. Supreme Court case consisted of Mildred and Richard Loving. They first met when she was 11 and he was 17. He was a family friend and over the years they started courting. After she became pregnant, they got married in Washington in 1958, when she was 18. Reportedly, Mildred didn’t realize interracial marriage was illegal, and they were arrested a few weeks after they returned to their hometown north of Richmond. They pleaded guilty to charges of “cohabiting as man and wife, against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth,” and avoided jail time by agreeing to leave Virginia. They moved to Washington, D.C. and began legal action by writing to Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy. Kennedy referred the case to the American Civil Liberties Union. After the Warren Court unanimously ruled in favor of the young couple, they returned to Virginia, where they lived with their three children. Mildred Loving died May 5, 2008 at the age of 68. Richard Loving died about thirty-three years earlier in a car accident. Each June 12, the anniversary of the ruling, Loving Day events around the country mark the advances of mixed-race couples.

Many organizations sponsor annual parties across the country, with Lovingday.org providing an online legal map, courtroom history of anti-miscegenation laws, as well as offering testimonials by and resources for interracial couples. Inspired by Juneteenth (which commemorates the end of Slavery in the United States in 1865), Loving Day seeks both to commemorate and celebrate the Supreme Court’s 1967 ruling, keeping its importance fresh in the minds of a generation which has grown up with interracial relationships being legal, as well as explore issues facing couples currently in interracial relationships. The Loving Day website features information, including court transcripts of the Loving v. Virginia case and of other court cases in which the legality of anti-miscegenation laws was challenged. To celebrate the holiday, people are encouraged to hold parties in which the case and its modern-day legacy are discussed, in smaller settings such as living rooms, backyards, etc., as well as in larger gatherings. In 2004, 2005 and 2006, several hundred people have celebrated at events in New York City, with seven major public parties taking place in 2006 in New York, Berkeley, Los Angeles, Chicago, Seattle, and Eugene and Portland, Oregon. While taking its name from the case, the holiday is not officially endorsed by or affiliated with the Loving family.

For additional information like how and where to celebrate, t-shirts and other items to purchase to support the event, resources, stories from families/couples/individuals,  or donate or spread the word please visit the website-

http://www.lovingday.org/

Mixed Roots Film & Literary Festival

// June 5th, 2010 // No Comments » // Blended Living

3rd Annual Mixed Roots Film & Literary Festival

June 12-13, 2010

Japanese American National Museum

369 East 1st Street

Los Angeles, CA

http://www.mxroots.org/

‘The Mixed Roots Film & Literary Festival is a non-competitive, annual arts festival dedicated to sharing and nurturing storytelling of the Mixed experience. The Mixed experience refers to interracial and intercultural relationships, transracial and transcultural adoptions, and anyone who identifies as having biracial, multiracial, Hapa or Mixed identity. ‘

This is an amazing festival that will feature this year such works as  the critically-acclaimed debut novel of Festival co-founder Heidi Durrow, “The Girl Who Fell From the Sky“, Biracial Not Black Damn It-part 2, book readings by Kim Wayans (actress) and Dr. Maya Soetoro- Ng (President Obama’s sister), and a Loving award to be presented to an outstanding artist, storyteller or community leader, for inspirational dedication to celebrating and illuminating the Mixed racial and cultural experience. 

From the website-

Festival Co-Founders Heidi Durrow and Fanshen Cox met in New York at an audition for a show about multi-racial people.  Both were sure that the other would ’steal’ the role from the only other ‘blue-eyed, curly haired light-skinned’ girl.  When both were cast, they began a long and fruitful friendship, supporting each other as artists and through the various challenges they faced surrounding their search for identity on their own terms. 

In 2007, the two created the popular podcast:  Mixed Chicks Chat, the live, weekly show about being racially and culturally Mixed (www.mixedchickschat.com).  The show has a loyal following of live chatters, more than 4,000 downloads per month and won ‘Best Podcast’ from the Black Weblog Awards.  The hosts have been featured on NPR, CNN, and in the Guardian, The San Francisco Chronicle and Blur Digital.

It was while talking to guests of Mixed Chicks Chat that Fanshen and Heidi realized they had to create a space where artists who identify as Mixed could display their works and encourage others to do so as well.  This is how the Mixed Roots Film & Literary Festival was born! The first festival, held in 2008, was a huge success and fostered excitement and a dedication to continue to search out and create content that addresses the Mixed experience.

The Interracial Family Organization congratulates and supports this incredible event. If any of our readers are able to attend the festival, please share your experiences on our website by contacting us at team@interracialfamily.org


We are special.

// May 23rd, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Blended Living

My life does not revolve around race. In fact, unless I am intentionally creating something for this website, race plays a minor role in my regular life. Occasionally, when myself or my family meets new people, I can feel the surprise or curiousity at the fact I have an interracial family. I sense some people are waiting for me to offer some guarded secret about how difficult it is for us or how different we managed our life. Sorry. It is not that deep.

It seems so strange to me that people who only stay around people just like themselves, perceive race, religion, or partner preference as something that changes the game of life. Humans are universal. Families are universal. Marriages work or don’t work for the same reasons. We don’t stop and ponder how, as an interracial family, should we plan our vacation or celebrate one of our children’s accomplishments.

I was once asked, years ago, what kind of food we eat. Let’s see, we had tacos on Monday, spaghetti on Tuesday, hamburgers on Wednesday, teriyaki chicken on Thursday and pizza on Friday. We are a typical American family. Our teen daughters fight over clothes and whine about the youngest being the favorite. My husband takes care of the yard work and the car and I get left with the house. We like to take our kids to the movies at least once a month. I take excessive pictures of every event our family has. We worry our kids aren’t ready to be the adults they almost or already are. Time is moving very quickly and I panic at the thought the kids will all be 18 and older in 3 years.

Race doesn’t matter when we are arguing over which tvto buy or which restaurant to go to. Race doesn’t come into question when I fuss at the girls for wearing to much eye makeup or tear up watching my son struggle in social situations. I don’t think of my husbands love for me through race. He is hard working, trustworthy, romantic, funny, intelligent, dependable, uber handsome and a gift given to me.

We don’t teach our children to assume every look at them comes from racism. We teach them to never let other people define them. We teach them to respect themselves and do what you love.

Marriage is about commitment, compromise, trust, support, and love.

Families are about roots, your home base, memories, lessons, and love.

We are special, but not for they reasons those people stare.

Deliberately Choosing to Segregate Children

// May 18th, 2010 // 6 Comments » // Blended Living

A little while back I was hanging out on twitter when another mom with a biracial child tweeted she was thinking of relocating and asked for suggestions of places to move her family. I suggested Portland, OR since a few years ago I visited, loved it, and thought about moving there myself.

This mom sent a follow up tweet asking how “white” is Portland, OR because she wanted her kids to be surrounded by “black” people everywhere. At this point I should mention this mom is white. I think she expected me to agree that half black children should be surrounded by the black community. Well, I certainly didn’t agree. Our follow-up tweets over this issue snow balled into a uncomfortable place racially for both of us. As a result we no longer tweet, blog visit, or even side eye each other.

Oddly, I understood the intention behind her question. This mom wanted her sons, who have a black heritage, to be more exposed to the African American community since currently they live in a predominately white area. I got it, I really did. But her question still left a bad taste in my mouth and heart.

To think of intentional limiting a child’s exposure to one or two racial communities is a bit upsetting. It’s sorta like someone deliberately choosing a form of segregation. As a mom also of a biracial child, I can’t see moving to Korea or any Asian country just because he “appears” more Asian than black. While I hangout within the Asian community, I don’t share the desire to limit my son’s exposure to only Asians or what he “looks” like.

I see my son as part of the larger mixed race/biracial community and try to expose him to all those experiences. But maybe I’m wearing rose colored glasses. Maybe sometimes children need to “see” people who look like them? What do you think about deliberate segregation? Can it ever been beneficial?

No Difference Between Them: Portraits of Interracial Couples

// April 10th, 2010 // No Comments » // Blended Living

Robert Kalman, a photographer, has recently released a stunning book of portraits of interracial couples in black and white titled ‘No Difference Between Them’.

Preview this amazing work and link to how to order the book-

No Difference Between Them

Mr. Kalman has several other portrait/places photography books published that were done in the same style as the interracial couple book. His portfolio and description about some of his work is on his beautiful website www.robertkalmanweb.com .

I had the wonderful opportunity to speak with Mr. Kalman through email and ask him some questions about his work.

IFO-How long have you been doing documentary photography?
Mr. Kalman- I’ve been shooting professionally (freelance editorial) since the mid-1970′s. My documentary work started in 1990 in Nicaragua doing work for a sister-city project.

IFO- What interested you in that?

Mr. Kalman- The kind of documentary work I do can probably be categorized as environmental portraiture. I’m drawn to making portraits of people within their environment, and I studied with Arnold Newman, a photographer credited with creating this particular genre. I also work with large format equipment, which requires a collaborative and more studied approach as I work with a person.

IFO- What was the inspiration for this book?

Mr. Kalman As my wife and I were working on a similar project of street portraits in New York City in 2007, we began to notice many interracial couples. One Sunday, we saw an exceptionally elegant couple together. They must have been in their 50′s or 60′s; she was white, and dressed in the manner of orthodox Jewish women; the man was African American, wearing a yarmulke and incredibly handsome. We consider them “the couple that got away,” because we didn’t speak to them or photograph them, but they were definitely the catalyst that convinced us to begin this book.

IFO-  Where were the photos taken?

Mr. Kalman- Most of the pictures were made in New York City, but we also photographed couples in Fort Lauderdale, Boston, Provincetown, London, Lisbon and Barcelona. Funny thing about Barcelona: we mentioned to the person guiding us on our first days there that we wanted to go to the typically Bohemian parts of the city because we wanted to meet mixed race couples. She told us, “Oh, that’s not done here.” We wound up meeting and photographing at least a dozen couples.

IFO- How did you find the couples you photographed?

Mr. Kalman- If you’re filtering the world for something particular, you tend to find it. As we walked the streets of a city, we watched for mixed race couples. After two years, we photographed over 200 couples; the book has about 100. We could easily do a sequel.

IFO- Most of the couples in the preview were not smiling. What did say to the couple as to what type of photo you wanted to take?

Mr. Kalman- Everyone in our western culture has had their picture made. We teach children to smile for the camera, and so most people have a learned behavior about smiling in photographs. I’m trying to capture people as they are, rather than as they imagine themselves to be (which is why people want to smile, to show themselves as “happy and attractive”). I want the person to present himself or herself to the camera with their face in repose (but not “flat” like a mug shot). Plus, because I use a large view camera it tends to lend an air of seriousness to the experience; most people rise to the occasion. In the end, what I typically say to people is “Just look at me,” and that usually gets the look I’m after.

IFO- Did you ask anything about the couple’s relationship before you took the photos?

Mr. Kalman- We simply asked “are you a couple?” Sometimes they weren’t a “legitimate” couple, meaning they were only friends. If we liked their look, we photographed them anyway.

IFO- Could you see chemistry or lack of chemistry in couples through the camera?

Mr. Kalman- When I observe people in order to photograph them, I’m aware that I take in lots of information unconsciously. (I think we all do this all the time, even when we’re not making photographs). I have an awareness of how the two people in a couple relate to each other (and you can see the many different ways as you study my pictures). Observing chemistry as such has nothing to do with looking through the camera. (Besides, the only time I actually look at the people through the lens of the camera is when I’m composing the shot and focusing. A view camera presents the image upside down and reversed. The film is inserted into the viewing area. So when I make the photo, I’m looking directly at the subjects, not through the camera).

IFO- Which couple will you remember the most?

Mr. Kalman- For me, so many of the couples are memorable for so many different reasons. There isn’t one that I’ll remember most.

IFO- Any chance of a book signing in Denver?  (Hey, that is a perk of being the interviewer)

Mr. Kalman- Our son and daughter-in-law live in Denver. So the next time we’re in the neighborhood, we’ll let you know!

I would like to thank Robert Kalman so much for allowing the Interracial Family Organization to feature his work and take time out to answer some questions for us. The book is simply beautiful.