A little while back I was hanging out on twitter when another mom with a biracial child tweeted she was thinking of relocating and asked for suggestions of places to move her family. I suggested Portland, OR since a few years ago I visited, loved it, and thought about moving there myself.
This mom sent a follow up tweet asking how “white” is Portland, OR because she wanted her kids to be surrounded by “black” people everywhere. At this point I should mention this mom is white. I think she expected me to agree that half black children should be surrounded by the black community. Well, I certainly didn’t agree. Our follow-up tweets over this issue snow balled into a uncomfortable place racially for both of us. As a result we no longer tweet, blog visit, or even side eye each other.
Oddly, I understood the intention behind her question. This mom wanted her sons, who have a black heritage, to be more exposed to the African American community since currently they live in a predominately white area. I got it, I really did. But her question still left a bad taste in my mouth and heart.
To think of intentional limiting a child’s exposure to one or two racial communities is a bit upsetting. It’s sorta like someone deliberately choosing a form of segregation. As a mom also of a biracial child, I can’t see moving to Korea or any Asian country just because he “appears” more Asian than black. While I hangout within the Asian community, I don’t share the desire to limit my son’s exposure to only Asians or what he “looks” like.
I see my son as part of the larger mixed race/biracial community and try to expose him to all those experiences. But maybe I’m wearing rose colored glasses. Maybe sometimes children need to “see” people who look like them? What do you think about deliberate segregation? Can it ever been beneficial?
I need to clarify the conversation that was held on Twitter Nikki because I think you have misinterpreted the other woman’s true intentions. She did not say that she wanted to expose her children to ONLY black people. In fact, her exact words were, “I only meant I need to live where people of hue are visible in every way.” She explained that she did not want her children to be exposed ONLY to white people. She explained that because her family is multiracial she wanted her children to be exposed to people of all races in various positions in life. It’s not about the “look” of the child. It’s about a mother of very diverse children providing positive images for her children to see and gain a sense of self -identity that is not one sided or limited.
You have often spoken about the issues that you have raising a biracial son- about how people wonder if you are his mother. That comes from their limited understanding of the world- only thinking that black moms have black children. As a mom parenting a biracial child, I understand how frustrating it is for people to limit their views in such a cut and dry way. Even more so I understand how necessary it is for children to see that there is life outside the box- outside the stereotypes. The mom on twitter was looking to provide a balance for her children. She was not looking to isolate.
I was not privy to this conversation so I can’t say exactly what this moms intentions were… I can jus let you know where we’re coming from on this issue…
I had my children moved from the predmoninately black school on our area to one with more diversity. Their previous school had only like 4 white children.
We are from Maine and in Maine my children were in school with like 99% white children. Being the only biracial people was sometimes difficult for them. There were MANY questions, people staring and though no harm was meant, it was uncomfortable for my kids. I can understand where this mother is coming from wanting more cultural diversity for her child.
We did not want our children to be raised in an area where there was no diversity be it predominately black or white.
Now here’s where some people might get upset with me but I have said it before and I will say it again… We live in a mostly black neighborhood and have found it MUCH easier than living in a mostly white area here in Florida. We rarely hear any negative comments in our neighborhood, the kids fit in well and love it here. I say get in where you fit in….if you feel more comfortable in a certain area or with a certain race or ethnic group be where you feel comfortable! I don’t really feel like that’s segregation, unless I’m missing something?
I grew up in a predominantly white area married a white man and now I have two beautiful children. A lot of my girlfriends married white men and now we all have mixed race children we get together with them and a host of other friends of different races in our area. My kids get to see children who look like them and children who don’t. I agree with Jennifer go where you feel comfortable for your family. For us it’s in an area where there happens to be a higher ratio of whites to blacks.
Is this about the conversation with MamaCandtheBoys? How unfortunate. I agree that what was written here misquoted what she said. It was clear that she wants her boys to grow up in a diverse place. It seems where she lives now is mostly white. Also I don’t agree that living in an area that is mostly one race is “segregrating” your children. As the other commenters said where people choose to live is personal. Each person has to choose what’s best for them.
I was not privy to this conversation so I can’t say exactly what this moms intentions were… I can jus let you know where we’re coming from on this issue…
I had my children moved from the predmoninately black school on our area to one with more diversity. Their previous school had only like 4 white children.
We are from Maine and in Maine my children were in school with like 99% white children. Being the only biracial people was sometimes difficult for them. There were MANY questions, people staring and though no harm was meant, it was uncomfortable for my kids. I can understand where this mother is coming from wanting more cultural diversity for her child.
We did not want our children to be raised in an area where there was no diversity be it predominately black or white.
Now here’s where some people might get upset with me but I have said it before and I will say it again… We live in a mostly black neighborhood and have found it MUCH easier than living in a mostly white area here in Florida. We rarely hear any negative comments in our neighborhood, the kids fit in well and love it here. I say get in where you fit in….if you feel more comfortable in a certain area or with a certain race or ethnic group be where you feel comfortable! I don’t really feel like that’s segregation, unless I’m missing something?
I grew up in a predominantly white area married a white man and now I have two beautiful children. A lot of my girlfriends married white men and now we all have mixed race children we get together with them and a host of other friends of different races in our area. My kids get to see children who look like them and children who don’t. I agree with Jennifer go where you feel comfortable for your family. For us it’s in an area where there happens to be a higher ratio of whites to blacks.