I was interviewing a wonderful nurse for a home health position at my job. She came to fill out an application and did not know she would get to speak to anyone. She was wearing a beautiful bright pink outfit with black jeweled shoes, a black long sleeve shirt under the pink top and a black, delicately jeweled head scarf covering her hair. She was obviously Muslim. She apologized up and down for the way she was dressed. She stated she was on her way to worship. I couldn’t imagine her picking a more beautiful outfit to speak to a potential employer in.
I was so completely impressed by the woman. Her professionalism, her sense of humor, her diverse nursing skills and experience. I had goose bumps just thinking about how well she was going to fit in being the main nurse at a certain case I had in mind. She even lived close to the patient’s home. One of the best interviews I have ever conducted. I was doing a happy dance inside!
She was completely appropriate and impressive through out the interview, but I caught her carefully mentioning her religion. She was NOT trying to push something on me, she was trying to make the subject clear in case I or someone else might have a problem with it. She mentioned that she was very open to other religions and spirituality and had no problem working with patients who may not be the same faith. It made me sad to think she felt she had to defend herself up front. Just as sad, because of her traditional dress, I too had to be careful about who’s house I sent her into. I wouldn’t want anyone to have a melt down when she entered their home.
She had an infectious enthusiasm and was thrilled to do some research and review on some of the high tech equipment that this patient was coming home on. Laughing she said, “You must have the right weapons if you are going to war.” Immediately she stopped and followed that with “I am sorry. I know being Muslim, I should never even utter the word war.” I put my hand on her arm and said, “Please, don’t apologize. You should not have to censor every word you say to avoid prejudice.”
I was angry at the ignorance this amazing woman had to wade through everyday. Americans, who are people who come from all over this world, can be so pathetic and self absorbed. We all carry with us and are shaped by our experiences and the people we meet. If you avoid/reject groups of people, you are limiting your growth as a human.
“Stereotypes are devices for saving a biased person
the trouble of learning.”-Unknown author
I was just talking to someone about how many of us self-censor because we are afraid of what others will think. In fact, when my daughter was 4 months old and I (black) was at the store with my husband (white) a woman referred to me as the Nanny. I immediately restrained myself from saying something because I did not want to come off as the “angry black woman” I THOUGHT she would see. In fact, I should i spoken because i would have pointed out her ignorance and maybe have taught her a lesson.
You are such a detailed writer. You painted a picture with your words and that makes a good writer. Thanks for sharing.
thanks for sharing this experience, Laura. I can imagine she does have to do constant negotiating, which is unfortunate. What you said re: thinking about whose home you send her to is true to my experience doing home visits as well as personally. My father, the last few years of his life, became even more rigid in his religious beliefs. He asked all his Hospice nurses if they were Christians. I asked him a few weeks ago, “what if they say they aren’t? are you going to refuse care from them?” He said, “no, I’ll just have to tell them about Jesus.” I was glad that my dad said he wouldn’t refuse care from them. He actually did witness to one of the hospice volunteers right before he died. He did it in a kind way and she was touched by his faith. However, I imagine a devout muslim or buddhist, hindu, jew, etc might be offended, or at the very least have to develop a tough skin, especially when working with the elderly.
another comment on the stereotyping tip also reminding me of my dad….
My father passed 11 days ago. The week before he died, I spent 4 days there, helping to take care of him. My dad wouldn’t have called himself a racist, and he didn’t hold hateful feelings about black people. However, he was part of the “old guard”. One night about 2 weeks ago, we were watching TV. I don’t remember what was on, but it lead to him making a statement about black men and their inability to be faithful to their women. He said something like “all black men cheat” or to the effect of that. I said, “What did you say?” I really thought i misheard him. Then when confirmed, I announced “I can’t believe you just said that”. He went on to tell me how a white woman that had been involved with a black man told him this….and from what he sees on TV (Tiger, et al….) it seems to be true. I just commented that this was a stereotype. I wanted to go on to say more, but i reminded myself that my father was in his last days and very sick, so I just sat there quietly watching TV. About ten minutes passed and my dad said to me, “I’m sorry I said that. I really don’t know if that is true or not and I shouldn’t be talking about things I know nothing about.” I smiled and blew him a kiss from where I was sitting. He caught it, and smiled.
It might not seem like much, but for me it was. My dad wasn’t one to readily admit he didn’t know what he was talking about. I appreciated his humility at that moment.