Interracial Family Organization

The Sparrows

// October 27th, 2009 // written by Kat Robertson

AUTHOR BIO:

My name is Donna K. Sparrow, formerly Miner. So I wasn’t born a Sparrow, I have certainly earned the honor. My husband, Antonio, and I met in 1992 at Northwest Missouri State University, way up in little Maryville, MO. Although neither of us were from that area, our paths were meant to cross at that time, in that place. He was (and still remains) the sexiest man I had ever laid my big blues upon. He was there on a full ride football scholarship, far from the mean streets of Los Angeles that had shaped a big part of who he was. His mother, or rather her addictions and their inevitable consequences, and his father, or rather his absence, had also taken their tolls on this man but God must have been keeping an eye out for him because there he was, with all of his strength and determination, actually interested in what made me who I was. Although the truth is that much of who I would become would be because of this man and the journey we would soon begin together, I feel that most of my upbringing to that point was God’s way of preparing me to partner Antonio down this long and interesting road we would soon be on.

I am the oldest of six daughters, and I have one brother. My parents worked tirelessly in an attempt to provide for such a large family and with that came a lot of work for the oldest of their six daughters. I feel that my beautiful mother did right by me and as a result, and from a very young age, I could complete most tasks that even many young mothers weren’t equipped to deal with. These are the lessons that would become so critical upon meeting Antonio, and learning of what our potential future together would look like.

I knew he was a “package deal” from the get go. He was the oldest of nine kids and had been an only child for the first nine years of his life. With the worsening of his mother’s addictions and the continuing absence of all the so called fathers of the kids, he knew the responsibility would eventually fall to him. The fruition of his true childhood dream, to someday play in the NFL, was surely his ticket to something better, not just for him but also for his siblings. This, however, would not come to pass. As things began worsening in the lives of the other kids, we abandoned our educations in order to make good on the promises of salvation he had previously offered the first two of his younger brothers. We moved out to Washington state, got jobs and began the preparation.

In 1994, we two became four as we welcomed Rex and Daniel. We four became five in ‘95 as we welcomed our son, Antonio. In ‘96 we five became nine as we also took in Dashawn, Antone, Fayzonn, and Star. Those four would end up back in Mississippi with their mother, only to return to us a few years later along with their sister, Shade (shaw-day). In addition to the welcoming of our daughters, Devaney and Destiny in ‘97 and ‘99, we would be twelve strong by the year 2000. Yes, at the age of twenty-eight, we were the parents of ten children. Seven of whom were suffering with the varying effects of the choices their mother made while she was pregnant with each, as well as the ramifications of the decisions that were made afterward. Although we didn’t know very much about developmental delays, mental retardation, depression, ADHD, Fetal Alcohol Effects, and Schizophrenia, we would certainly get a crash course in the years to come.

Oh, if I didn’t know what sacrifice was before, I certainly know its meaning now. I’ m not speaking of sacrifice from our perspective either. We have witnessed a lifetime of children not having what it was they truly needed, their own mother and father. We tried to be that for them, but they could look at us with our own and were wise enough to know the difference. And what about our own? They also gave up more than we realized they would have to. Families with this many children, they don’t go on vacations, or wear Nikes, or eat at restaurants fancier than McDonalds. The sharing for them involved far more than a house, a room, a bathroom, toys, or a meal.

That leaves us here, now, starting our lives over again as the last of the siblings returned to Missisippi just a few months ago. Some left earlier than others, some graduated, others didn’t, some made right choices, one sits in a prison cell in Georgia, one will require my care for the rest of his life as Schizophrenia devastates the future we thought he would have, one is now a married woman and is quickly becoming one of those “true friends” and, ultimately, a few just had to be with their mother, regardless of the quality of care she provides, simply because she is their mother.

We have laughed hysterically, cried endlessly, loved amazingly, and worked on faith alone. Now, for the first time, we gear up for a whole new life, with just the children we brought into this world…anxious, nervous, excited, happy… ready. With the births of our fourth and fifth children, D’Angelo in ‘07 and A’Darius in ‘09, we are now complete. Our nest seems a little empty, but in the best way possible and we can’t wait…